This time of year evokes many strong memories. One of the dearest to my heart is the Passion Play performed yearly at Miner Baptist Church in Sikeston. I was an awkward little second-grade girl when Freida and Chester Cardwell took me along with them and their daughter Julie to church on Wednesday nights. It so happened that they were practicing for the production they put on yearly. I got to be apart of it from my first days of church.
I didn’t stand a chance at not falling in love with our Savior when my first experiences with Him were watching His life, death, and resurrection play out before my eyes over and over.
To this day there is a part in the play that grips my heart like nothing else and brings back a flood of emotions. Many of you will agree with me. It’s the song “Watch the Lamb” by Ray Boltz. Dewayne performed that song for years. Several of those years were with his sons singing with him. Can’t you still hear Dewayne’s clear beautiful voice crack with emotion as he sang the words, "I took them in my arms; we turned and faced the cross and I said dear children, watch the lamb."
Dewayne embodied the father who loved His Savior and taught his boys to follow Him in that song. He embodied him because that is who he is in his everyday life.
Words will never be able to express how grateful I am to call Dewayne Self my father-in-law, for my children to love him deeply as their Paw-Paw, and to reap the benefits of being married to a son they raised to be such an incredible man of God.
I am so unworthy of writing something to even touch the honor that Dewayne deserves. I simply know that I am thankful to be loved by him and to have his influence in my life. From my young years I have watched him give to people when he didn’t know any eyes were watching. I have learned lessons of diligence and hard work from him. I know of COUNTLESS men whose lives he led by his example right to Christ. I have sat and talked with him for hours around the kitchen table about God’s Word and I am inspired by His passion to learn more and draw closer to God through His Word. He has used his skilled hands to build for God’s Kingdom. He has used his gifted voice to sing of God’s Love. He has given more energy to strengthening God’s people than anyone I know. And, he has loved so many of us so well through his words and actions.
I want to open this blog up and invite you to leave a comment for Dewayne to read. Take a minute to let him know how special he is to you and how he has influenced your life. ***(You can post anonymously and sign your name. Since there has been difficulty posting comments, you can also send me a message and I will pass it on to him.)
Peace, Peace. There is nothing like Your balm of soothing salve that calms my chest, my lungs, my heart. Peace.
The air flows better, deeper. My heart slows. My eyes close. They really see… all is a Gift around me.
When my little girl hurls so strong that her face is left with vessels to show the power of her illness, when my baby boy comes frantically crying to our room because he can’t cough to clear the mucous to get the air, when our family holds tight to one they love dearly as he walks through life's most difficult battle, I will still thank my God for His overwhelming goodness.
Isn’t it Him who gives me air to breathe? Isn’t it His design that makes my heart pump? Did I do something to deserve the ground I walk on or the water I drink? Did I earn my husband or my children? By no means. All I have is from His undeserving, abundant provision.
It is all a gift from Him. The good and the so called “bad.” It's all a gift. Each is wrapped in different perspective. Some are easily seen. Others are only seen through the lense of His Word and the lense of His Love. Will I choose to be thankful for both the good and the "bad"?
The sweet little girl is singing loud from her swing this beautiful day. She sings words from her own heart to her own tune. Brent and I stop and listen and ask her to keep singing. She bellows, “It’s all Your beautiful creation and we thank You, we thank You, we thank You.” And Brent says, “These are the days." They are all a gift.
Peace. My eyes close. They really see… all is a Gift around me.
Last week I finally caved and went to the doctor over an annoying earache. Keep in mind that this decision meant taking two little sweet peas on a thirty-minute trip after school one afternoon. I expected to wait 30 or so minutes in the waiting room, then the doc would take a quick look in my ear and see the infection, write out the script and we would be on our way within the hour. I thought we might even stop for frozen yogurt on our way home.
I should have lowered my expectations!
It just so happened that the doctor was running an hour behind that day. So, I strangled… I mean wrangled my monsterous little man around sick people for an hour. It was humorous how many times we got out the hand sanitizer!
Now have you ever had anyone look in your ears and say, “Oh girrrl, this is gonna be hard?” If so, you can relate. The gross part is my ears were full of wax and they couldn’t see my ear drums. Supposedly this is a very common problem and has nothing to do with cleaning your ears. I am a meticulous ear cleaner, seeing as I was a swimmer growing up and fought swimmers ear regularly. Hey, I have to keep a little pride if I am posting this!
It only gets better from here. I won’t give you all the details. Just picture this: A thirty year old woman (a close friend reminded me that I’m not actually 30 yet and that I can’t throw that around until I’m truly apart of the “30 Year-Olds' Club.” She says I have “30 Year-Olds’ Envy.” She says the wisdom that the 30 year olds have has not yet been imparted on me... I am turning 30 in a couple weeks!) Sorry, off subject!
Picture a 29 year old woman with a beautiful six year old girl standing behind her and an adorable 22 month old boy standing on her lap. The following things are happening simultaneously:
A nurse is shooting water into the woman’s ear trying get ear wax to come out in a bowl.
The little girl stares into the bowl and quietly says, “Ewww” and “Mom you’ll be okay.”
The boy pumps foaming soap all over the counter with the water on full blast then begins to copy his sister by yelling, “EWWWWWW!!!!” at the top of his lungs over and over.
The nurse stops the shooting water and the woman tries to open her eyes only to find her equilibrium gone.
I’ll stop there.
Three hours later, we made it out alive.
And my ear is now feeling a little better.
I’m not sure the moral of this story. I do know that I found myself praying a lot that day. Perhaps God is reminding me that I am to be quick to listen and slow to speak. That He speaks in a still small voice and I need to get some junk (sin) cleared out to be able to listen.
And maybe, I am learning to love this simple and sometimes messy life He has given me. Maybe He is transfiguring the mess into beautiful Joy!
It’s true. Our family will soon grow by one precious life through the beautiful gift of adoption!
One evening several years ago Brent and I approached each other with something we wanted to share with the other one. A couple moments into the conversation we were relieved and excited to know that we were both wanting to express how we felt called to adopt a child! I’m not kidding. It was the same day!
Since that night, we have been blessed with our second child (Thomas Heath). And have lived our lives seeking to follow God. Many of you know where this has taken us… Brent changed jobs, I quit my job, bed bugs (yes, it’s true and we’re experts on their extermination), selling a house rapidly quick and facing no where to live, living in the trailer of sweet friends, living in and managing a little motel, a surprise pregnancy, bedrest for months, buying a house that needed tons of work and being humbly blessed by the labor of incredible people, a perfect healthy boy, Heidi growing up more and more, God’s redeeming and restoring love, and now He’s led us to an incredibly precious endeavor!
In October of 2011 something snapped inside and we knew it was time to start the process. We started very open to the whole situation. After a month of intense research and prayer, we were down to the agency and program we wanted to be apart of. We chose to work with Bethany Christian Services and will be adopting an infant from our country. The baby will likely be from Missouri or Illinois. We can’t predict how our story will unfold. We could walk with the mother for a couple months of her pregnancy and be with her at the hospital and take the baby home from there. Or we could get a “cold call” from the hospital and bring the baby home then. Or anything in between that!
We were most drawn to this program because of the significant need and the child being an infant. We are aware of the pain and heartache that comes along with abortion. I am a woman who has birthed children, and I know that no one can forget the life that has lived in their body. The Christian community encourages women to choose life. Our country is now experiencing a drop in abortion rates! However, there is a problem that has arisen since the rate decrease. Many of the babies whose parents choose life for their child also choose to create an adoption plan for their child… thus, making an opening for Christ followers to become families to these precious miracles. Point is, with abortion rates dropping, there is a significant opening for children to be adopted into a loving family.
Perhaps you are wondering why we chose to adopt. First, we simply knew deep in our guts that this was what God was leading us to do. Each step of the way He continues to make it very clear that we are on the right path. Second, we know that there are more children meant to be in our family. Third, we believe it is a tangible expression of how God loves us. Our biological children will live the unconditional love and acceptance that Jesus came to give. Our adopted children will experience that unconditional love and acceptance. I could go on with more examples and reasons. Our conviction in this area is so strong that we really can't give a good reason why not to adopt!
We began the homestudy in November. We had meetings to attend, boat loads of paperwork, documentation, doctor’s appointments, books to read and reports to write, financial conversations, meetings with our Bethany social worker, and profiles to create. All of this happened over the holidays and with one very sick little boy. I must admit that in the dark of night when we rushed him to the hospital any of the three times, I questioned if adoption was really what God was leading us to. When I would lay in the floor with him with my hand on his back listening to him wheeze, I couldn’t imagine caring for an infant at the same time. And then, when we would look at our finances with a logical lense, I would reel with doubt and spiral into confusion.
Then an email, a story, a song, scripture, a message, a person would unknowingly speak right to the problem and spur us on. Through this part of the journey, Brent and I have become intensly more unified. At times when we felt the other person would have a different opinion, we were shocked to find that we were on the exact same page! Also, our church entered an incredible series called Weird. It was further encouragement that we are on the right path! When Bryan read Romans 12:2, the words took root in our hearts. Check it out :
"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."
(fyi, I'm not saying we're were that verse calls us to. I'm saying it totally pumps us up!)
As of last Friday, we officially have completed our Home Study. We are now entering the waiting time. It could be anywhere from a month to a year before our next child is in our home. We have more education to complete in this waiting time. We enter this part of the journey trusting God with the financial side. (Woo, that's a tough one!) Adoption is very expensive in our eyes. In God’s eyes, it’s a drop in the bucket! And we anticipate experiencing Him provide…AS HE HAS ALWAYS DONE!
Right now we are full of emotions. Words can not describe the love God has already put in our hearts for this child. We have such a longing to hold that baby and kiss it and to nuture it and watch it grow into a beautiful person full of purpose and God’s love. No matter the tough times that come with any of our children, we will always be blessed to have the privledge to be their parents!
We invite you to pray with us and for us! Maybe you’ll be encouraged along the way!
He makes beautiful things out of us... out of dust...
Wendolyn, I picked this video because I thought you would like it best ;)
