I will tell this story to my grandkids!

I have been absolutely BUSTING at the seams to sit down here and share some stories and insights with you.  I know it’s time to write when the lump in my throat just won’t go away and my palms get sweaty because I’m trying not to get lost in my thoughts.  Boy, if you knew how many posts I have written in my head in the past month!

Lately, I have been living in the moment.  I’ve been slowing the moments down, making them heavy, and saying “yes” to moment I’m in.  In doing that, it seems that lots of things don’t get done.  But lots of loving, praying and thanking have been getting done!  I’m pretty cool with the opportunity cost.  (Doesn’t that make you think of 4^th grade economics!)

I do have a very cool story to share with you.  You need to know up front that it is 100% true.  I am not going to exaggerate one tiny bit. 

Have you every seen a room sparkle with scattered rainbows from a light catcher in the window?  Isn’t it such a divine thing?  Rainbows of God’s love surrounding you like He sent after the flood, like Joseph’s coat of many colors, like the beauty that comes only from “storms.” 

Or does it remind you of the Creator God who created color and light and how it can be divided by glass?  And lead you to think about the power of our brains He created.  Then wonder how tiny our human intelligence is in light of His Holy intelligence. 

Or do the rainbows remind you of His Intimacy with His Creation?  If not, listen to this…

Since childhood I have loved seeing crystals cast rainbows.  When I was tiny I spent some time living at my Nanny and Grandpa’s in their one hundred year old Queen Anne Victorian house.  In the front room Nanny had this mesmerizing “crystal tree” (as all of us cousins call it).  At the age of four I STOLE one of the crystal branches.  I remember cherishing that little thing.  Nanny asked me several times if I had it.  I lied to her over and over and knew I was lying!  If I remember right, I snuck down stairs one morning and put it back on the tree.  I recently found out that I’m not the only one to do that!  Uh hum… Annie-Mollie :)

Last Wednesday morning, I sat in the living room with my sweet boy.  We were recklessly playing with cars and blocks.  Sunlight was beaming through our little cottage-like door and the front window.  My mind was a little reckless too as I was mentally preparing to teach teenagers about the holiness of God that night.  In the middle of smashing cars, I realized that the sun didn’t usually shine in through the door like it was.  And noticed that since the leaves had fallen, the sun had a clear path through the window panels on the door right into our living room.

In that moment I knew what I was going to ask Brent and Heidi to get me for Christmas.  I said out loud to the one and half year old, “I want a little glass ball shaped like a disco ball to hang in that door.”   

Later when Heath was napping, I studied the lesson I planned to teach the students.  I confessed to God how inadequate I felt to teach on such a big topic.  Looking into God’s Holiness reminded me of my sin and inadequacy.  I went down a path of wondering why in the world God would use me to risk His name on.  He is wholly pure and good and righteous.  And, I am not!

This is where He showed off.  That afternoon I loaded up the diaper bag and had Heath at hand walking out the door.  As I opened the door there stood my dear friend Pat coming to the door.  In her hand was something that absolutely took my breath away.  I could hardly talk.

She explained to me that they were leaving for their home in Florida for the winter and she wanted me to have a gift. 

It was a small glass ball shaped like a disco ball with a string attached! I am not kidding.  

Can you believe He was so obvious! There was no hiding what He was trying to tell me. 

In His Holiness He chooses to be in RELATIONSHIP with us. 

He is not a God somewhere up there.  He is not distant from us.  We are His beloved.  That’s why Jesus came!  The Holy God put on flesh to save us; free us from our sin addiction through and intimate personal relationship with Him.

Father, redeem us because of Your unfailing love.  Psalm 44:26

You should come and see the hundreds of little rainbows in our living room on sunny mornings!  

Valleys Low to Acres of Hope

Chasing Daylight - Heather Self from Meadow Heights on Vimeo.

And, can't this be true for all of us...

And, isn't this how He draws us out...

The Good Hand... Always

I am thankful for a husband who loves me, two children who fill me with awe, our sweet little home.  I’m thankful for a church family that inspires me and that I get to love and serve.  I’m thankful for deep friendships.  I’m thankful for a family who is so close to my heart. 

Being thankful for those good things in life leads me to trust the hand of God that provides them.  Yes, being thankful leads to trust.

What about the difficult and bad things?  Are we really supposed to be thankful for those?  For people who just can’t find it in them to believe God is good and that He is our only hope, they say the atrocities of our world show His lack of good.  And, for people who have called Jesus their Savior, many see these things as adequate reasoning for keeping Him at an arm's length.

Do we deserve only good to happen?  Who really gets what they deserve?  Laying peacefully in bed a few nights ago I wondered, “Why have we been so blessed to do just that?”  Don’t you remember reading the Diary of Ann Frank?  Why did girls and boys have to fall asleep from complete exhaustion with fear in their dreams?  Last night, why did  mommas squeeze their children tight begging for a peaceful sleep in Kenya?  Why do I take for granted a peaceful sleep? 

I deserve no peaceful rest when others are facing starvation.  Our geography is all that separates us.  I am merely riding on the blessings of the generations before me.  Tragedy and difficulty simply can not be calculated and dished out deservingly. 

If calculated, my sin would earn me much more strife!  I spent years being judgemental.  I make my own self sick thinking of the lies I have told and the lies I have lived.  It’s ridiculous to look at some of my motives.  And my quick tongue… ay yay yay!  How I have pierced the people close to me in meanness.  I have worshipped self promotion, possessions, and appearance.  All truly meaningless things!  But I have not received what I deserve for those failures.  It doesn’t make sense. 

Whether our lives are in a time of blessing or pain, we simply do not get what we deserve!  We all deserve punishment.  We will never be good enough to deserve otherwise. 

The hand of God.  How does He handle us?

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”  Romans 8:32

Let those words sink in.  They are true.  His Good Hand gave Jesus undeservingly for me.  The reality of eternity in Hope are mine.  (Eternity is happening even now). I am living proof that those words in Romans are true.  That in all good and bad things I have gone through, He graciously gives me perspective, peace, hope, endurance, and even joy.  I am nothing special.  I am simply someone who is learning to see Him in all things.  Because His Good Hand is in all things. 

“Trauma’s storm can mask the Christ and feelings can lie.  Sometimes we don’t see that in Christ, because of Christ, through Christ, He does give us all things good – until we have the perspective of years.  In time, years, dust settles.  In memory, ages, God emerges.  Then when we look back, we see God’s back.” Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

How about we take time to look back over our lives and ask Him to open our eyes to see. 

People in our lives will fail. Everyone dies sometime. Our world groans and disasters happen.  Illness changes everything.  Oh, but WE ARE GIVEN A CHOICE!  In all things, every moment. 

We are given the choice to trust His Good Hand or to clench our own hands in fear and control. In all my "stressing," I am really just choosing to call God unreliable.

Yet, we are given the choice to freely surrender to the Almighty God knowing that we are sinful and need a Savior. I get to choose to trust Him to lead my life. I don’t have to choose to seek meaningless pleasure that fades and leaves me wanting more fixes.  I get to choose real Love, passion, and purpose. 

How could I such a sinner, deserve that? 

So just as I am wrapping this up, this song just came on … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAMJKfWsS9o.  I’m not kidding.  It’s playing right now!  I’m not sure if He meant it for me alone or not.  You may like it too :) HIS GOOD HAND!

Logic: Fear's Carefully Crafted Mask?

Last night one of our former students came to our door at 10:30 and stayed until after midnight. Poor kid, we talked his head off! He is in his first year of college and went through some tough stuff last year. He is on the path to following God through all of it. 

Brent and I stayed up for a while after he left, truly praising God for what is going on in that young man’s life. You see last year at this time, he wanted nothing to do with us. We had spent time building into him and loving him. We committed to not giving up on him. And honestly, it seemed to us like it was all in vain. Then, the knock on the door that got us out of bed and to led us to praise God deep in our hearts for the work He has been doing all along!

One thing I have learned from working with teenagers is that they can hurt our hearts pretty deep. I have spent heart and time loving on lots of students. There are only a handful who I have had the humble privilege to see really “get it.” Logic tells me that all that time and emotion are not worth the results. Logic tells me to find some other place to invest. Something more profitable.

I spent most of my high school and college days dating someone I thought I was going to marry. All the future plans were made. Children’s names planned. Years of becoming best friends and helping one another through those tough transition years. Love. He was killed in a motorcycle accident. 

Though God’s plans were clear and He blessed me with an incredible man to marry, logic had taught me that truly loving him would be too painful and that he too would be gone somehow. All it would take is one careless driver or one wrong decision and he would be gone. Logic said, “Don’t love people because they don’t last.”

We are programmed to learn based on extrapolation. What are the facts we can pull from a situation? What are the consistencies and norms? Don’t give much attention to the anomalies. They’re just flukes. Our logic and reason can solve most things. We humans do possess the highest form of thinking, right?

I think we’ve got it all wrong.

I see right where my logic was taking me. I would still be in a difficult marriage, living based on my understanding of what love does to a person. I would have passed that mentality onto my precious daughter, continuing the cycle. I would have never experienced the freedom of loving my husband fully. Or, the freedom of being gripped by the beauty of my children and loving so deep I feel it in my chest. I would never have had the privilege to walk with Brent as he faces trials and be the one who God uses to build him up. I would have never known the ironic freedom of giving myself to the one God made me to love.

 

Also, logic would have caused me to avoid teenagers at all costs. It would have bred a cynical view and led me to a commitment of hopelessness for the future generations. I can hardly write the words… those kids that have experienced His love and purpose, their lives set on a new path; that would not have been so. I would have found some other “self” thing to fill my time with. I would have been led further down the path of control and misery.

What has human reasoning led you to believe?

 

Perhaps, our logic alone (without God’s leading), is really a carefully crafted mask to hide fear.

 

Here are some interesting words:

• "Without weakening in his faith, he (Abraham) faced the fact that his body was as good as dead… yet he did not waver through unbelief…” Romans 4:19-20. 
•  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher thanyour ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9
• “To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his.” Jon 12:13
• "The fear (awe, respect, reverence) of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10
• “Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor.” Proverbs 15:33

Our logic is faulty! Our human minds alone, do not have the ability predict outcomes! Len Schlesinger, a Harvard business professor says, " Treating an uncertain world as if it were predictable only gets you into trouble."

 

Those anomolies that we learn are flukes, actually ruin the whole argument for logically predicting and controlling our outcomes. The boy on our porch last night with his head in his hands saying thank you and getting a glimpse of the fact that God really does have big dreams for his life. The twenty nine year old grown girl who has been left and abandoned and is now pouring love out… me. We are anomalies to this whole logic thing.

 

The less of me and my logic/control/fear, the more I am open to being led by the One who made me. What about you?

 

I know that there are more painful times ahead of me. Do I want to squeeze tight and trust in the illusion of control? Or do I want to open my arms, my hands, my heart and trust in the reality of my Savior who is in control?  Does all of life come down to fear or trust?

 

Is the most important thing about us what we believe about God? (as A.W. Tozer says)

 

Forgive the Spanish subtitles. (I liked this video best!)

Finding My Way to the Root of Fear

I have been holding off posting because something is just growing and growing in my mind and heart. I’m one of those people who is not very patient. I was birthed with a heeping dose of passion instead of patience. I have a hard time telling stories because I just want to rush right to the point. I wonder if that is why I talk so fast? I’m not big on marinating food or waiting for bread to rise. Isn’t it true that those are the things that have the most flavor? Isn’t it true that we most appreciate and enjoy the things that take time? Perhaps, I am maturing. Perhaps, patience is developing.

Brent was a pitcher in his growing up years. I was a swimmer. He is infinitely more patient than me. He can see life as one step better day by day and enjoy the small victories. It’s one “pitch” at a time, one batter at a time, one inning at a time, one game at a time. Me, I’m always racing to the cross and the end of the lane, forgetting to pace myself, and holding my breath as I finish strong through the solid of the lane line. I get out of the pool heaving and spent.

This time, the things I have to share with you will not work in race form. Patience will have to outweigh my passion. As I write and listen to the Christy Knockles Pandora station, I’ll stop and raise my hands or sing loud and listen to these powerful words that mean more to me now than ever. This post may take hours, days, weeks, or months to come out fully. I will thank Brent now for locking me in the bedroom and playing with two sweet children to allow me to get part of it out today. I hear the loud boy hollering now and bowls of cereal clanking.

I’m sure you’ve heard the analogy of life having seasons. I’m learning it’s literal. This summer has been an incredible season of change… in my heart. Words can not express exactly what has happened. I can say that it is like my eyes have been opened to see life so much more clearly. It’s like colors are more vibrant. Scenes move by slowly. Moments mean so much more. It’s like caluses have been sanded away and I can feel touch, sound, color, emotion much more fully. I think I’ve gotten a taste of the life Jesus promised when He said, “Life to the full.”

I’m not sure where this journey of Dive will take us. But, I’m inviting you to come with me as I try to express it to you. Honestly, I’m on my face praying for me and you. I praying you experience Him through this… wherever you are on your journey. Some of you are my mentors and some of you think this whole God thing is a hoax but you love me and decide to see what I have to say. So I’m trusting Him to move and I’m really excited. Does that surprise you that I’m excited? At least we’re not in person so I can’t get on your nerves. :)

Sitting on the beach earlier this summer, I was reading a book that has absolutely rocked my world. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. A woman I love and respect deeply sent it to me. She had no idea that her twenty dollar act of obedience was going to change the direction of me and my family’s life. If you’re heart is pricked to some act of kindness DO IT. Who knows what a difference it will make! And, I triple dog dare you to read that book if you’re looking for something to read.

Back to my point. My stomach tightened and my eyes welled with tears. I felt the lump tighten in my chest when I read this.

"Agoraphobia, 'anxiety about being in places or situations from which escape might be difficult.' It’s my skin that is difficult to escape. I snap an elastic band around my wrist. For months, I swallow down the calm with the pills. I try to pray. Fear is like a piano wire cutting round the wrists, life shackled, cutting deep, and the hand spasms, fists of control. Fear keeps life small. The music dies and the joy drains. I’ve lived the strangle."

As I sat with the sun beating on me and the waves crashing, my mind raced. I remembered when I loved being far out in the water. The waves consuming me. It felt so free. Then my mind rushed back to my childhood. That quote made me think about how someone was always “leaving” when things were hard. My child mind struck with fear. Where will I go? Who will take care of me? No one ever stays. I had been brainwashed that escaping was the answer.

Is that why I would spend childhood nights sleeping on the bathroom floor after I threw up? Hurrying back to my bed before anyone woke and knew. It was so normal to me. Is that why I was woken from my dorm room bed years later with anxiety gripping me. My dear childhood friend watching as I tore my clothes off and heaved in the floor. She helped clean up the puke. Then, in a college apartment being taken over by it again, calling my boyfriend to help the heaving and sweating stop. What could calm me? He prayed over me. But, what to pray for this girl who didn’t understand.

I loved my God in those days. I have loved Him all of my days. With Him is where I experienced my first Peace. We lived out in the country. Flat land, sand, thin grass, barbed wire fences, and horses all around. A long dirt road led to a ranch house surrounded by trees. A house of tension set in the beauty of full sunrise and sunset skies. His Hope surrounded that house.

One Saturday, the tension was thick. I feel it even now. The weight I would tell my dad about was on my chest so heavy. They were arguing about me. So, I ran. I ran far. My legs burned as I sprinted down the lane into a farmer’s field. The hot August sun burned against my 15 year old skin. I collapsed in the shade of the trees lining the crop.

I cried out loud and begged God for peace. What does a 15 year old know of the word peace? What does peace mean to an egocentric teenager. Why would a child need to beg for peace? Then, the cool breeze blew. I shuttered. The tears stopped. I was filled with the Truest Peace. I knew in that moment that I was not alone. That He was with me and that He always would be. He would be with me through the tornado that raged in my house.

It was years later in the early morning hours in a home in St. Charles that my Peace turned into my Protector. I was a summer missionary with a family who lives radically for their Savior. After a run up steep hills in the hot summer, He brought reality to me. I recalled faint memories of mud, a car, a mean man, my mom, my brother, and crying. I remembered running out a door and glass flying. I remembered being scared to death of some man. I know that that man was in prison after it all.

It hits me. Why am I alive? Why did You save me? My 19 year old mind realized that I could have died. In Love, I resolve in that moment, that my life is His. That His glory is the purpose for all my days.

There at the immense ocean, I realize I’m scared to go out in the water. Yes, that water that I love. What am I scared of? I’m scared of being out of control. What if I’m no longer strong enough to swim against the waves? What about jellyfish? How small is my God right now?

I tell Him that I’m scared and He speaks in my heart. “Do it anyway. If something goes wrong, you’ll learn something valuable. I will prove trustworthy.”

That did it. I got up and walked determined to that ocean. Deeper and deeper until I had to dive. I swam out. Further and further. Letting go of control with each stroke. Everything changed.

“Oh, the joys of those who trust in the Lord,” Psalm 40:4

“May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15: 13.

Baby Heath walks off the edge into the pool with no pause, no hinderance, complete trust when his daddy is right there with arms waiting to catch him. That is the challenge.

True Story!

It's not real astonishing. So don't get your hopes up! However it is true. A couple weeks ago we stayed at the Sherton at Westport (Priceline is a great thing. You should do it). We love staying there in the summer with the kids. The pool is just marvelous... it really is! The morning we were leaving a little lady who was full of spunk was out early. She wore a shiny black one piece swim suit and her hair was blond and spikey. She looked to be 65 years old. She laid out in the morning sun. She had little skinny legs. She would get in the pool and do a few exercises then sit back down for a bit. You could just tell she was a fun lady by looking at her.

Of course, I couldn't miss a conversation with her. I know it can be an annoying trait, but I do love getting to know people's stories. Heidi and I moved to her side of the pool to sit and dry off. Before we were ten feet from her she began talking to us. I still can't decide where her accent is from. My best guess is Italian. She began with basic chit chat. She showed us pictures of her grandsons. And told us how she was going home soon to cook a birthday dinner for her youngest.

Here's the best part. She dried off and wrapped a coverup around her and sprayed perfume all around her. It was one of those strong, musky, no name type perfumes. By golly, the next thing I knew she was at Heidi's neck spraying her and her wrists. Then, she gently turned my wrists over and sprayed me. She said, "Now you will smell lovely for the men."

We loved it! We did stink. But, we loved being blessed by her intoxicating personality. I have thought about her several times and decided that I hope to be like her. I want to always live a life with no walls, especially when it comes to people.

I have lived so much of my life protecting myself from hurt. No need to explain why. There are many of us who have been through tough stuff and learned to cope and move on by building walls. I have been in a long process of trusting God to free me from my self-protection and control, I am now starting to be immersed in the freedom of loving people freely.. whether they deserve it or not.

The more I fall in love with the God of my Salvation and trust Him and follow Him through His Truth, the more I live in joy and peace. Freedom, joy, and peace are a good trade for control and fear.

I guess the point is, don't be offended when I spray you with horrible perfume the next time I see you. It just means I love you!

"Perfect love casts out all fear." 1 John 4:18

"Fear keeps life small." - Ann Voskamp

I quit

I recently quit a job I have been doing for years. Gosh, I don’t even know how long I’ve been doing that job. It’s something I picked up at a young age and was just natural to me. I was really good at it. It’s crazy to quit something that I have spent so many years investing into. I had practically mastered it.

In the months since I have quit the job, I am now experiencing some major changes. My daily routines have changed, my relationships have changed, my thoughts have changed. It’s a big deal to quit something that has been apart of your life for 20 or so years. The best way to describe what I have experienced since I quit is: Freedom.

I seem to enjoy the simple things of life so much more. I am more patient with people. I can see beauty in nearly everything and everyone. I have slowed down. I dance more. I dance a lot. I smile more. I laugh out loud. A weight has been lifted. That job was a heavy load.

That job was a dead end job. It was sucking the life right out of me. I never even realized I was not being compensated for all the time and energy I invested in it. After applying some truths from God’s Word, I realized that NO ONE EVEN ASKED ME TO DO THIS JOB! I had assumed the role myself! Why in the world would I take on something that was so draining and pointless?

I guess I thought doing that job might give me a little control. Or maybe it was my way of simplifying something that can’t be simplified. Sometimes it made me feel better about myself and other times it made me want to crawl in a hole. That job also gave me a lot to talk about with other people. Like minds would always collaborate together and come to similar conclusions. It made me feel powerful. It made my eyebrows be bent with a scowl. It made me stay awake at night analyzing and strategizing. Perhaps, I did the job because it stopped me from self-reflecting. Or maybe because it stopped me from getting too close to other messy people.

I haven’t even told you what job I quit! I was a self-entitled judge of… everything and everyone. Take it from me, it really has no use in this life we live. Our Creator doesn’t intend for us to take on that role. He has that job covered. I sure am glad that the only One who is Love is the One who is judging. He is the only One with an untainted perspective. He is the only One who knows the whole story. He is the only One who can handle the weight of the job and still be Love. He is Holy and Righteous. I am not.

I do find myself slipping back into the judging roll often. It’s a habit, a comfortable place. I understand that it is a process for me to go through to be fully complete. I can already tell that things have changed since my perspective has changed. Oh, I wonder what the freedom will be like 10 years from now!

How captivated will I be by people when I no longer put them in boxes or categories? How compassionate will I be when I see other people’s faults as wounds they have suffered? How grateful will I be when I appreciate all the extremes of personalities? How wise will I be when I understand that every person who challenges me or hurts me is giving me the opportunity to depend on my God for strength and peace? How motivated will I be when I face difficult times knowing that my faith and character will grow?

I am a very passionate person. I have lived through some tough stuff. So, I’m not talking about living life with rose colored glasses on. I still get angry and I will fight for justice. Uh oh, I better not get started here… that’s another story! Here’s an example: When someone offends me and it rightfully makes me angry, I don’t have to chain myself up by acting in anger or by gossiping. I can duck that one out and let their consequences come their way in due time. In the meantime, I tell God how angry I am and ask Him to give me perspective and love. Here’s the incredible part… then, I’m FREE! No bad consequences, no guilt, no grudge. Actually I get to experience true peace and joy. I’ll take that trade any day.

Life in relationship with our Creator is what life is all about… that’s our “job”! Each day, He frees me from the chains I have put myself in. The “job” He has for me continues to unfold into something I can’t imagine not being a part of. I better stop here before I get onto another topic!

Check out this guy. No judging 

Denny; a Real Warrior

I saw something last Saturday that I will never forget. It impacted me on so many levels. There is a dear dear man who lives here in Ironton. He is a small, thin, aged man with grey-blond hair. He walks quick with a slight forward tilt of his shoulders. He wears glasses. He has a high-pitched voice that is unmistakable. He is a man who gets what life is all about. He is a man who is fully “spent” everyday. I can’t imagine him having one single regret.

His first name is Denny. I don’t know him well personally. I do know where to find him. He is always found with children who are hurting, outcast, poor, or lonely. He has worked at the school for years. Anytime there is a need, you will find Denny at the other end meeting it or rallying people to do so. Clothes, food, fire victims, special needs children, encouragement; he spends every moment of his days giving and loving.

Last Saturday we went to the city pool with some friends. I had heard the pool wouldn’t open this year. But when I saw that Denny was the pool manager, I wasn’t surprised. Of course he wouldn’t let the one place kids have to go in the summer close.

There were probably forty five or so kids there. Most of them were middle school and younger. Very few adults were there. It was a hot sunny day. Out walked Denny with sun block in hand and started spraying it on kids’ shoulders. They would turn a little and let him rub it in. He put block on five kids each swipe. He would call them out of the pool or just spray them without asking. Have you ever seen anyone (other than a family member) do that… impose on someone in that way? What kind of love is that? What kind of love? How may kids over the years have been saved from a horrible sunburn because Denny cares enough to get off his rear and go put it on them without them ever asking? He knows kids don’t think of that. He knows that their parents don’t either. But, he does.

I haven’t been able to get Denny out of my mind. He is such a humble man. He doesn’t seek any public attention. He simply fights for the ones who need it most. I think he and Jesus have a whole lot in common!

Several weeks ago on a Saturday evening, I was alone at the track and I saw a girl and two little boys walk up. As she got closer I recognized the young lady. I had her as a student a few years ago. She has been out of school for two years now. She is an incredibly smart girl, beautiful, and has her head on her shoulders. She explained that one of the boys was her ten year old little brother and the other was her two year old nephew (who was born to a girl in high school a couple years ago). I recognized his eyes. On one hand, I was proud of her for being out there on a Saturday night with those boys taking care of them rather than out partying. On the other, I was sad that she had to. She explained to me that she wants to join the police academy and knows that she can’t get caught hanging out with anyone who gets in trouble. She’s working full time at a gas station and taking one or two classes a semester.

She really does have so much going for her. She really can make a good life for herself. She could break the cycle that she has been raised in.

Then, I heard the ten year yell out a cuss word. She grabbed his arm. “I can say that,” he fought back. The two year old was paying close attention. The ten year old started throwing rocks as hard as he could. The two year old stood and did the same. I called the man-child named Dylan over. I told him that his cousin was watching and that the best thing he could ever do, would be to teach him to do good things. He looked at his cousin and said another cuss word. The baby laughed and repeated him. The lady, went over and yanked his arm and said, “You don’t talk like that.” Dylan said, “Yeah I do. My daddy tells me to.” She looked at me with a defeated look and said, “He does. All those guys teach these boys bad stuff.”

I quickly encouraged her and told Dylan how smart I think he really is and how I bet he could climb that jungle gym. We wrapped up our conversation and hugged.

I could feel the tears welling up as I got further away. Why? Then, it hit me. That is the story for SO MANY of our boys in this town. The men in their lives are being warriors in all the wrong ways. I asked God where He was. I felt so defeated about the future of our little town. Then, I realized that there are real warriors all around. It’s the men who love Jesus. You guys are doing more than you know. When you’re coaching sports and rubbing shoulders with those dads and kids. When you’re being the warriors of your household and being examples to your kids. God just spoke in my heart, “There is hope.” He loves the men of our town and He has men He’s calling to be leaders and make a difference.

Bryan said in his message several weeks ago, “The words mean so much coming from a man.” It’s true. I get to teach a slew of kids on Sunday mornings and high schoolers on Wednesday nights. I know those boys well. Many of them are craving male attention.

I look at those boys and students faces and see that they will be men in a few years. Will they be abusive alcoholics? Will they have kids by three different women by the time there 30? Will they be able to find a job? Will they be in trouble with the law? Is there hope for them? Yes. God has His Mighty hand all over their lives. He works through pain and poor decisions. He is calling men to fight for those boys.

Do you see it? This is our shot to really impact this our world for generations to come!!! And, I’m learning that it will have to come from some men stepping into their lives. Some of these guys don’t have a man who pays attention to them all week. And for the ones who do, it may have been better if they didn’t. Just to have a man show up and prove to them that they are worth your time for an hour or two would absolutely change their lives… FOREVER! Thus, changing their kids’ lives and so on.

Girls, let’s encourage the men in our lives to be real warriors. No nagging or harassing. Let’s pump em up and see the potential they have to fight for something that matters!

The Addictive Choice

Doubts crept in today. I heard a song that talked about how God was there from before there was time. My human, logical mind can not fathom that. I remember lying in my bed as a child in my room with light green carpet and a peach colored bed spread. I would think about God, wondering if we were puppets. I would lie on top of my pillows and wonder if that’s what it felt like in heaven. I just wanted so bad to know who made God. I settled on the thought by deciding that that would be the first thing I would ask Him when I got to heaven. The faith of a child. The Bible speaks highly of it in Matthew 18:3.

My doubts today led me right back to utter belief and amazement. In the faith community, doubts can be looked on negatively. But I don’t think God looks on them negatively at all. I think He likes the challenge. Today He used them to bring me to a deeper place with Him. He’s pretty cool like that. I recalled the facts of how precise our earth is and how I see my Maker in all of it. How He has captivated me with His love and His presence. The intricacies of my body and my psyche are undeniably created with intention. There are so many times when He simply can not be explained away by reason and logic. His fingerprints are too deep to miss.

I looked out the window and watched Brent work so hard building a fence. As I stared at him, I reflected on how much he has loved me. There have been times when I have just been the biggest pain. Yet, he never and I mean never gripes or pressures me. He’s a Tony Dungee type guy (a mentor leader). Real love doesn’t force you to choose it, it captivates you. When you really see it for what it is, you want it.

God is love. (1 John 4:8 ) Love is a choice. God is a choice. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with how powerful God is. His ways are so different than ours. He is not defined by or limited to our rational human thoughts. He created me. The created can not fully comprehend its creator.

He created me to love and be loved. Our God is not a God of force. God is love. Love can not be forced on someone. If it is, it is not love. Our Creator birthed us with a choice. Everyday we wake up with the option to see Him and choose to love him. All day long He pursues each of us; giving each of us the opportunity to “…have and enjoy life, and have it to the full, till it overflows. “John 10:10

Somehow religion has mixed things up. When God is a chore not a choice we get bitter, resentful, and worn down. Have you been there? We end up having an affair with meaningless things. Money. Power. Popularity. Egocentrism. Toys. Appearance. Alcohol. Drugs. Pleasure. More. Better. Self. God created all things to be enjoyed. All things to lead us to see Him and thank Him. They’re not meant to be put in the place of Him. I don’t want to miss that He created them to point me to Him… the One who loves us and gives us the choice to acknowledge Him or not.

I’ll be practical. We have had this 2001 Mitsubishi Montero for almost five years now. It’s pearly white with tan trim and tan interior. It has big windows and the perfect amount of tinting. It has a third row option for seating. There is something in me that really likes it. I have since the day we got it. For the first three years of owning it, I felt like it was too nice for me. Then, Brent woke me up. It really is an “older” car and you don’t see many others like it… must not be the most desired car on the road. Point is I spent those three years missing the chance to tell God thank you for something I think is so nice. Now, I can’t count how many times I’ve looked at it out the window and thought how much I like it. I know that God enjoys the fact that I enjoy the car He put in my life.

I know God smiles, when Heidi is outside all alone and says, “Oh wow, that just made a rainbow!” when playing in the water. Or when I see her out the window looking at her sunflower seeds she planted and her eyes get huge and she says, “Wow!” She and God are having a conversation. She gets it. He’s captivating her with His love. God likes it when I feel pretty. He is especially pleased when I enjoy spending time with my husband. All of our life can be a love story between us and Him.

The truth is, God will never force us to choose Him. Because He loves us, He created us to make the choice ourselves. That’s real love. He is committed to pursuing His created. I’m not just talking about believing in Jesus and trusting Him for salvation. I’m talking about a daily choice to choose Him.

To choose Him when I didn’t get enough sleep. Choose Him when I hit my toe on the corner of the bed. Choose Him when someone compliments me. Choose Him when I get bad news. Choose Him when I get good news. Choose Him when money is tight. Choose Him when a friend needs help. Choose Him when things don’t make any sense at all.

Someone close to me is going through something life altering. Something I have never faced and I believe only those who experience it can understand how difficult it is to go through. This person said something so profound. I won’t get the words exactly right, but I understand the point. This person called the closeness he has found with God during this trial “addictive.” My heart pounds at the thought of it. Isn’t that it!

There is something in us that wants to be addicted to something. All of us. We battle addictions of all kinds. Society is more accepting of some of our addictions than others. Gossip and self promotion are widely accepted. Cocaine and sex are not accepted. But don’t they come from the same place? They come from our desire to be fulfilled. Nothing will fill us but the One who created us! And, if a man facing the trial of his life who is forced to evaluate life still says that God is the deepest fill, then my suspicion is proved true. Our relationship with God is the only thing that will ever truly fill us.

I need no other high when I choose Him. When I choose Him, I see things for what they really are. I love people for who they are. I appreciate each moment. I find value in hard things and easy things. When I choose Him, I don’t need anger management or a stress reliever. Life slows down a little and I do things that matter to me. I breathe much deeper. The words of the Bible, His words, leap off the page at me. They resound deep in my heart and move me to action. He is addictive.

Nothing Stays the Same

Last weekend we went to a beautiful Southern wedding. My cousin was getting married in Charleston. Charleston is rich with tradition and they know how to make weddings memorable. It was a truly beautiful time. However, for such an occasion, a nice dress was required on my part. Our life style has changed in the past five or so years and I no longer dress up very often. I had nothing to wear.

I did try to shop the week ahead of time. Brent was out of town for the week and I shopped with the kiddos. It did not work. Heidi was totally up for it. Heath was not. He would not let me put him three inches away from me without screaming so loud that everyone in the store would have wanted us to leave. What am I talking about? I would have wanted us to leave! Point is-- shopping failed.

Brent got home Friday night and we planned to stop in Cape to grab a dress on our way to the wedding on Saturday. Ladies, can you imagine leaving your house knowing that you MUST find a dress with only 30 minutes of shopping time and that you will have to wear it that night with no other options? Oh, the pressure. We stopped at TJ Max. I had one shot to make it work. Ten dresses in the room. Speed trying them on. Down to two options. Eeeny meeny miny mo. Picked one. (Now, looking at the pictures, it was not a good choice. It really made me look pregnant. So, if you saw the pictures and were wondering… no I’m not).

I rushed out to the car. We were trying to calmly hurry. Buckling in the car seats, we smelled Heath’s dirty diaper. We had an hour to make it to our forty five minute destination. The diaper needed changing and my dress needed changing. Our car has no tented windows and we were in a full parking lot. I begin the “Ol’ Put Clothes on Over Clothes and Pull the Other Ones Off Strategically” method and Brent began changing the very bad diaper in the back on his stain free tan seats. Heath started moving and getting mad, rolling, grabbing (ya know what I mean), things were getting messy. Heidi studied my every move and people walked by noticing what I was doing. Remember, there was a screaming baby drawing attention to our little car. One hundred wipeys later and lots of sweat later, we were done. I was appropriately dressed for a fancy wedding, Heath smelled like baby powder, Heidi earned another notch on her Incredible Big Sister belt, and Brent was breathing deep. We made it through the change. Then, we could enjoy what was to come.

Isn’t change like that. It has to happen to fully experience the “next” part of life. Sometimes we’re thrown into it (the poopy diaper) and sometimes we know it’s coming (the dress). We get to choose how to handle the change. We can avoid the change. Putting off changing that diaper, would have just made things stink for all of us the whole car ride. Not to mention the pain it could have caused Heath if he got a diaper rash from it. I’m wondering if this really is true. That avoiding change causes our lives to ferment, rot, and slowly cause pain to us. Pain we feel when we start moving a little. So, to further avoid the pain, we sit real still. We stay in the routine and do our best to ignore the mess that needs cleaning.

In my life, I think I have most commonly fought the change. I haven’t turned away from it, but by golly, when I get in the middle of it, I have fought against it. So many times, that leads to unnecessary tension and stress. I make it through. But, it’s rough getting there. And, people close to me sure don’t want to go through it with me. They don’t want to become the target of my frustration or deal with me trying to control all the variables. In the book of Daniel, it says that when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out of the fire they didn’t smell like a hint of smoke. For me, I would go through the trial and reek of smoke. I may have made it through (only by God’s grace), but the people closest would know how difficult or scary it was. I would have to fight bitterness. I can just imagine if I would have handled the changes of that Saturday morning that way. The car would be thick with tension and regret. Love and peace would have been squandered and good memories would have been traded for moments desired to be forgotten. That’s what fighting the changed will do. I’ve been a pro at that.

The day I changed into the dress in the compact car in the front seat. I did not fight the change. Brent and Heidi did not fight the change. We embraced it. I took my time. I kept breathing slowly. Even when Brent said, “Oooh no it’s on his hands.” Even, we Heath did the loudest pig squeal sound in the world. Even when Heidi studied each move I made intently as she sat in the driver's seat. (By the way, she has been changing her clothes like that all week now). I smiled at the little ladies walking by as I wiggled my hung arm free.

Our little family chose to embrace the change that day. We laughed as we recalled the funny moments of it. The weather dropped 15 degrees that day and skies filled with clouds before the rain as we drove to Charleston. Yet, our hearts really were warmed by the peace of embracing the trials and brightened with laughter, music, and napping children. That would not have happened had I fought the change! I know we’ll not handle every situation like this. Actually, we’ll get it wrong more than we get it right. But once, we’ve tasted the beauty of embracing the changes in our lives, we’ll never want to avoid them or fight them again.

God created humans and everything else in our world to change. Nothing stays the same. Change always has a great purpose in life. Change comes in many different forms. Health. Income. Relationships. Ways of thinking. Disasters. New life. Choices. The process of change can happen in moments or over years. Either way change does happen. I want to pay attention to the changes going on around me everyday and embrace the moments and be transformed into a new person. I want to let what seems like bad change to grow me into a more thankful person who sees things deeper than the surface. I want to soak up this change thing and live with the peace and joy that comes from connecting with our God.

Nothing stays the same. My baby girl is now five and asks questions about life. My baby boy is now almost a year old and in one week’s time he went from a crawler to a walker. After a long winter, the Oak tree out the window is thick with green leaves. I look at my hands and already see the sun’s aging on them. Last week an evil leader was alive, now he is dead. I read old journals and smile at my old thoughts. Will I do the same ten years from now? Nothing stays the same.

One of my top ten favorite songs of life. I hope it is played at my funeral!

I Dare You...

Having a baby around is such a fun time of life. Yeah there’s the hard stuff like lack of sleep, getting nothing “important” done, and dislocated ribs (which I am currently experiencing). But the fun and profound of having one around could never be outweighed. Our little Heath is a mess. He is already a charmer. He can do this sweet smile where his bright blue eyes seem to glow and if the sun hits him just right, his hair sparkles. His favorite time to pull out that smile is right when he’s doing something wrong. I’m not kidding. Just as he puts a rock in his mouth or grabs the plant stand he looks at me with such a sweet face. Then falls over laughing at himself. Or, he crawls over to me whining and saying, “Mamamamama.” When he gets to me, he pulls up on my shoulders, smiles that smile, then pulls my hair as hard as he can and laughs. Obviously, he’s getting to hear the word no often.

Everyday that baby boy is learning so much. In just a weeks' time, he seems to know twice what he did the week before. He is learning to relate to people based on their expressions and tone. He is trying to communicate with us when he wants something. One week he was a timid stepper, the next he ventures out into the middle of the room. He wakes up to everyday ready to learn something new; ready to be challenged mentally and physically.

When do we lose that? When do we start avoiding risky situations and start seeking comfort and ease? What makes us want things to be easy? Why do we get annoyed at difficult situations? Why do we spend so much money protecting ourselves from things that never happen? What makes us say no to the unknown?

I think that our enemy enjoys it when we live life like that. He enjoys it when we buffer our lives and squeeze things tightly. That’s his way of making us boring and ineffective. What if those 116 patriots (only 9 of them were over the age of 40) hadn’t risked it all and dumped the tea out in Boston? Would the United States exist? I can almost feel the adrenaline pumping through their veins as the snuck out that cold December night. And, what if William Wilberforce hadn’t dedicated his entire life to the abolishment of slavery in England? He could have just been an extremely wealthy man working in the family business as a merchant. Instead, he let that passion burn inside him and faced challenge and changed the world for the better. About you and me: Someday people should say, “What if (insert your name) hadn’t done (insert your purpose)?” We really are all put on this earth for a reason. And, it’s not to seek comfort. It’s to really live.

Recently, some people have gone out on a limb to bless our little family. I mean they have really showed us love. I had to call a friend to come kill a bee that got in the house while Brent was a work. She dropped everything and drove over here with her fly swatter and killed that thing for me. She didn’t stop there. She went and bought me my own pretty pink fly swatter with a scooper too. Another couple who we love dearly gave us a random significant gift just because they wanted to. Some other friends have dressed our kids with their hand-me-downs. What does this have to do with what I’m talking about? All those people could have chosen to protect their precious time and money. Because they didn’t we are overflowing with gratitude. I truly thank God for using them to love us. And, I am moved to pass the “blessings” on. These people haven’t put an end to slavery or changed the course of America (at least not yet), but who knows what the effects will be in the long run.

I found myself sitting on the side of the bed a couple weeks ago asking God to challenge my thinking. I was feeling pretty confident and almost set in my ways. I was needing some of His mystery to challenge me. In the past few days He has opened the door for my thinking to be challenged. I’m having to wrestle with Him about some stuff. And, it’s changing me. As I was driving in a BEAUTIFUL stretch of land between here and Caledonia today, I prayed, “I can’t imagine if I hadn’t gone through this wrestling match with You. I already understand so much more than I did.” I'm thankful for the challenge.

I have a hunch that we are better off when we're challenged mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We are meant to change. We are meant to grow. We are meant to be persevere. I dare you to ask God to challenge you in some way this week. It may just be exactly what you’ve been waiting for. And like Jacob, let's stick the thing out until we learn the lesson and say to God, "I will not let go until you bless me." (Gen. 32:26) We will experience God and we'll walk away different. I dare you to ask Him...

Harold...

I am so thankful for my dad. He and I are a lot alike! I was always a little disappointed that I didn’t get his crystal blue eyes that all the ladies went on and on about. I remember looking at his yearbooks and scrap books. He was one awesome basketball player. Lots of the life lessons he taught me came from things he learned in sports.

The summer before my senior year of high school he told me that he could make me the best girl basketball player Sikeston had ever seen if I would do everything he taught me that summer. Poor guy. I would not play basketball. I was not up for the line drills! He should have had a boy rather than three girls!

My dad is a hard worker and has always been very honest. I wanted to be like him in that. He likes to sweat and be outside. I do the same. Brent doesn’t mind one bit that I love push mowing the yard. I don’t know how many hours he and I spent laying out in our lawn chairs getting a tan listening to country music! And, I would follow along as he would head to the nearest brick wall or basketball court. He would shoot baskets for hours or hit a tennis ball against the wall over and over. He says that tennis in the only class he passed in college.

I wonder how many hours he and I have spent together just the two of us. I’m sure I’ve not spent more time with anyone else up to this point in my life. We both love the early morning hours. I remember seeing him on the front porch watching the sun rise. I remember seeing him reading his Bible in the dark winter morning hours in his recliner. I remember watching the KFVS12 Breakfast Show before school together. Sometimes we would listen to K103 and try to win the morning contests.

My dad gave advice very direct. He has never been one to beat around the bush or hide his opinion. We had our best talks before school. I remember the morning before my first Homecoming Dance. He came in and sat down beside my bed. He told me that he still remembers the names of the girls in high school who were “good girls.” The one’s who didn’t sleep around and didn’t stay out late doing dumb stuff. He said that he would take the “good girl” to the dance. Then, he would take her home and go pick up other girls. And, that now, he doesn’t even remember the other girls’ names. I got the point. Did I want to be a girl whose name my date remembered or not? Some may criticize his ways. But I loved his honesty. I knew he wasn’t perfect. And, I knew he loved me and that he would do anything for me. I could trust him. I’m thankful for his honesty.

Off subject… Sometimes, as Christians we aren’t honest with each other. And then, we feel like there are standards we all expect each other to meet and we put up fronts. We can learn one from my dad. People love it when we’re real with our issues and they can learn from our mess ups.

My dad always lightens the mood with me. I have always been an impatient little thing. I would be so annoyed when he told me, “Patience in a virtue.” Once he did a very practical test with me about the speed limit. We were driving to St. Louis. He drove 85 mph for 30 miles and timed how long it took. Then, we drove 70 mph for 30 miles and timed how long it took. He convinced that the few minutes difference weren’t worth the speeding.

Another time, I was getting some honor my freshmen year of college. It was a really formal ceremony. Very quiet, very somber. When they called my name and I went to the stage, what did I see in the back of the room? My dad waving liking a crazy man giving me thumbs up. Don’t get the wrong picture. He wasn’t that proud of me. He was trying to get me to laugh. Point is, let’s not take ourselves too seriously!

I really could go on for hours. I have so many wonderful memories and lessons from him. He is the dad God planned for me! I am so very thankful for that man.

As I write this, I am in prayer for him. His life has gone a different direction. It resembles nothing of the days of my youth. I know our God is all over this. I am praying God touches him in a very special way tonight. I am praying he has a face to face encounter with God that changes him. And, that my dad, will live the rest of his life in peace and with purpose resting in the arms of the God who loves him and made him… beautiful blue eyes and tender hearted.

The Dollar General Sack

This morning a good friend and I were running our usual route with a little distance added. It was no more difficult than other days that we have done intervals or increased distance before. Actually, last week we rocked it out. We amazed ourselves when we did some really tough intervals and went further than we thought we could. Of course, I was feeling a little puffed up about that. I felt like I could do anything.

Back to this morning. We set out for a normal cold morning jog with no added challenges. To be honest, I started feeling a sick feeling pretty early into the run. By the end, we circled back past the elementary school and I knew I had pushed it too far. I was feeling pretty yucky when we passed the principal greeting the students and the line of cars dropping off kids. I barely made it to our stopping point. Then, I began what my friend called a “drunk walk.” My eyes were closed and I was swerving. She held my arm trying to make it look like everything was okay. Then, I felt the sick feeling take over. Before I knew it, I was lying on the sidewalk with my feet in the air. I heard the cars passing and in that moment, I did not care one bit. When I started coming back to reality, the embarrassment hit. Ahhhhh, did people really see me lying on the concrete with my feet in the air and my friend holding them? Yes, they did. You tell me that’s not humbling. I told Ragen as I was lying there, “What ever humbles me makes me better. Right?” We laughed. (Some of you know that this is not the first time this has happened. I figured I better get this story out so it won’t have to happen again).

Don’t you just love a blow to your pride? I’m thinking one of the themes of my life the past year or so has been all about humility. God has lovingly taken me on a journey to open eyes that life is not about me. I have more stories on this than I will ever be able to tell! I must have really needed this lesson.

I’m learning that things that humble us really do make us stronger. It is an odd concept. But, many times God’s ways of doing things are opposite to our self-centered nature. And only He knows what is best for us. So, what does humble mean to me? It’s when I’m not focused on myself in either a prideful or self-pity way. It’s when I trust that God is in control and get excited about the next step He’s leading me to. Then, I get to experience His power and presence rather than my analyzation, control, and many times regret. This humble thing is all about surrendering. But it doesn’t end with the surrender. The results are incredible. God always comes through and makes it more worth it than we could have imagined.

I got to go out to sit and reflect at one my favorite spots today. I climbed to the top of some rocks at Elephant Rocks that looked over a pond. The air was cool and crisp. You know the temperature that almost feels like you're drinking a cold glass of water when you take a breath. Everything was crystal clear and bright with the sun’s reflection beaming. I absolutely love those moments in nature all alone with God. I feel like He is right there showing off His beautiful creation to me.

After some time, it was time to head down. I began the journey down, when I got a whim to pray and ask God to show me something cool. I figure, He’s a lot like us. As parents, don’t we want to show our kids special things and teach them new things about life? I'll admit, I like to show off a little for them too. So, I asked Him to lead me down the path He wanted me to take back to the trail. I ended up going a way I don’t think I have ever been. Honestly, I was anticipating seeing a pretty little flower growing out of a crevice or something budding beautifully. But, there was nothing. I kept going. I prayed again, “God, open my eyes to see what You want to show me.” A couple steps further, there it was. A bright yellow plastic Dollar General bag was hanging at eye level from a branch. I laughed out loud. I thought to myself, “Sure, I’ll pick up that bag.” Then, I saw a couple wet cans and some random trash lying near by. I prayed, “Oh, I get it. You wanted me to pick this stuff up. Well, sure I’ll do that.” I kept walking. Then, I saw more little pieces of trash here and there. It was like it was magnified. Finally, it clicked. He had me cross that bag so I could pick up trash. Keep it mind everything is wet and muddy right now. Do you know how many straws, bottle tops, gum wrappers, and cans I picked up? I can tell you… a Dollar General sack full. As I got closer to the car I laughed inside. I realized this was yet another exercise in humbling me. I didn’t need to see a pretty little flower; I needed to have a heart that cared about something other than myself. I got in the car feeling full of life.

“He leads the humble in the way that is right, He teaches them His way.” Psalm 25:9

More to Discover

Could it be true that the most beautiful things we see will never be with our eyes? Could it be that they will come in our minds when our eyes are closed? Could it be that through knowledge and depth of insight we will find that which makes our heart come alive with true love? Just some thoughts I’m having after rolling a verse around in my head. Check it out:

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,” Philippians 1:9.

Let’s take a minute to close our eyes and see things with knowledge and insight. In our culture, love is often associated with visible beauty and outward appearances. Many times, it seems that what is visible is valued at the cost of the “soul.” I guess I’m trying to say that we can focus so much on appearances that we miss really matters.

My G.G. (great-grandma) is a woman who will forever be priceless to me. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have been driving a car all around Southeast Missouri when I was 14! I also owe my college education (and many other expenses) to her. Some of the most special times I had with her I spent sitting in her living room floor, at the foot of her recliner, eating Nilla wafers, and listening to her stories. I know about her trip across the border to Mexico. I know about the Hotel Elton she owned in San Bernadino, California. And what is was like being the only woman farmer in Southeast Missouri. Her life was an example to me. She worked hard. She laughed and smiled. She loved life, loved her family, and had a good time at it. She wasn’t perfect, but she made a difference in my life. I’ll tell ya something, not once did she ever tell me that she wished she had spent a little more time on her appearance.

Now, my husband is one good lookin’ guy. Growing up, I remember all the girls having a crush on him and talking about how cute he was. He wore that dirty ol’ brown San Diego Padres baseball hat and was mean to all the girls. Even in high school he was always chosen as the “Best Looking.” Truth is, his looks have not gotten him too far in marriage! Ya know, I don’t just drop an argument because he’s too darn cute. But, I have dropped an argument because I know his heart and I understand where he’s coming from. Every day, I get the opportunity to know him more and more. I understand his habits, his expressions, and his responses. It leads me to understanding his heart. In turn, my love abounds more and more.

I have a close friend who I’ve gotten to know deeper and deeper. Our lives ebb and flow with how much time we get to see each other. In times apart, it's easy to think something is wrong. But, I now know her heart. We’ve walked through tough times together. And, we’ve had lots of fun together. We understand each other because we know each other. We are free to love each other in all the seasons of our lives.

And I think this is true in many other areas of life. Don’t you “love” the sports or hobbies you know the most about? I’m not really into basketball. But, all the people over here in Ironton know basketball and love it. I’m not really into golf, but those guys who understand and practice it do. And, don’t you feel a special bond to people, bands, and books you know really well? Knowledge and understanding really do lead us to love.

Of course this applies to our relationship with God. I remember praying a prayer upstairs at my Grandma Hattie’s house ten years ago. I told God that I just wanted to know Him more and more. He’ll answer a prayer like that! “If you seek me, you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.” What a journey. He continues to reveal Himself to me… through hard times, good times, people, music, Scripture, nature, and thoughts. The more of life I go through with Him leading me, the more I love Him. The more I love Him, the more I understand how much He loves the people He created. The more I understand how much He loves people, the more I love the people He created.

I get that overwhelmed feeling when I can’t imagine how much more I will love Him when I am old like my G.G. was. I love that I can count on His consistency and His mystery. There will always be more to discover, thus more to love.