The Addictive Choice

Doubts crept in today. I heard a song that talked about how God was there from before there was time. My human, logical mind can not fathom that. I remember lying in my bed as a child in my room with light green carpet and a peach colored bed spread. I would think about God, wondering if we were puppets. I would lie on top of my pillows and wonder if that’s what it felt like in heaven. I just wanted so bad to know who made God. I settled on the thought by deciding that that would be the first thing I would ask Him when I got to heaven. The faith of a child. The Bible speaks highly of it in Matthew 18:3.

My doubts today led me right back to utter belief and amazement. In the faith community, doubts can be looked on negatively. But I don’t think God looks on them negatively at all. I think He likes the challenge. Today He used them to bring me to a deeper place with Him. He’s pretty cool like that. I recalled the facts of how precise our earth is and how I see my Maker in all of it. How He has captivated me with His love and His presence. The intricacies of my body and my psyche are undeniably created with intention. There are so many times when He simply can not be explained away by reason and logic. His fingerprints are too deep to miss.

I looked out the window and watched Brent work so hard building a fence. As I stared at him, I reflected on how much he has loved me. There have been times when I have just been the biggest pain. Yet, he never and I mean never gripes or pressures me. He’s a Tony Dungee type guy (a mentor leader). Real love doesn’t force you to choose it, it captivates you. When you really see it for what it is, you want it.

God is love. (1 John 4:8 ) Love is a choice. God is a choice. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with how powerful God is. His ways are so different than ours. He is not defined by or limited to our rational human thoughts. He created me. The created can not fully comprehend its creator.

He created me to love and be loved. Our God is not a God of force. God is love. Love can not be forced on someone. If it is, it is not love. Our Creator birthed us with a choice. Everyday we wake up with the option to see Him and choose to love him. All day long He pursues each of us; giving each of us the opportunity to “…have and enjoy life, and have it to the full, till it overflows. “John 10:10

Somehow religion has mixed things up. When God is a chore not a choice we get bitter, resentful, and worn down. Have you been there? We end up having an affair with meaningless things. Money. Power. Popularity. Egocentrism. Toys. Appearance. Alcohol. Drugs. Pleasure. More. Better. Self. God created all things to be enjoyed. All things to lead us to see Him and thank Him. They’re not meant to be put in the place of Him. I don’t want to miss that He created them to point me to Him… the One who loves us and gives us the choice to acknowledge Him or not.

I’ll be practical. We have had this 2001 Mitsubishi Montero for almost five years now. It’s pearly white with tan trim and tan interior. It has big windows and the perfect amount of tinting. It has a third row option for seating. There is something in me that really likes it. I have since the day we got it. For the first three years of owning it, I felt like it was too nice for me. Then, Brent woke me up. It really is an “older” car and you don’t see many others like it… must not be the most desired car on the road. Point is I spent those three years missing the chance to tell God thank you for something I think is so nice. Now, I can’t count how many times I’ve looked at it out the window and thought how much I like it. I know that God enjoys the fact that I enjoy the car He put in my life.

I know God smiles, when Heidi is outside all alone and says, “Oh wow, that just made a rainbow!” when playing in the water. Or when I see her out the window looking at her sunflower seeds she planted and her eyes get huge and she says, “Wow!” She and God are having a conversation. She gets it. He’s captivating her with His love. God likes it when I feel pretty. He is especially pleased when I enjoy spending time with my husband. All of our life can be a love story between us and Him.

The truth is, God will never force us to choose Him. Because He loves us, He created us to make the choice ourselves. That’s real love. He is committed to pursuing His created. I’m not just talking about believing in Jesus and trusting Him for salvation. I’m talking about a daily choice to choose Him.

To choose Him when I didn’t get enough sleep. Choose Him when I hit my toe on the corner of the bed. Choose Him when someone compliments me. Choose Him when I get bad news. Choose Him when I get good news. Choose Him when money is tight. Choose Him when a friend needs help. Choose Him when things don’t make any sense at all.

Someone close to me is going through something life altering. Something I have never faced and I believe only those who experience it can understand how difficult it is to go through. This person said something so profound. I won’t get the words exactly right, but I understand the point. This person called the closeness he has found with God during this trial “addictive.” My heart pounds at the thought of it. Isn’t that it!

There is something in us that wants to be addicted to something. All of us. We battle addictions of all kinds. Society is more accepting of some of our addictions than others. Gossip and self promotion are widely accepted. Cocaine and sex are not accepted. But don’t they come from the same place? They come from our desire to be fulfilled. Nothing will fill us but the One who created us! And, if a man facing the trial of his life who is forced to evaluate life still says that God is the deepest fill, then my suspicion is proved true. Our relationship with God is the only thing that will ever truly fill us.

I need no other high when I choose Him. When I choose Him, I see things for what they really are. I love people for who they are. I appreciate each moment. I find value in hard things and easy things. When I choose Him, I don’t need anger management or a stress reliever. Life slows down a little and I do things that matter to me. I breathe much deeper. The words of the Bible, His words, leap off the page at me. They resound deep in my heart and move me to action. He is addictive.