Harold...

I am so thankful for my dad. He and I are a lot alike! I was always a little disappointed that I didn’t get his crystal blue eyes that all the ladies went on and on about. I remember looking at his yearbooks and scrap books. He was one awesome basketball player. Lots of the life lessons he taught me came from things he learned in sports.

The summer before my senior year of high school he told me that he could make me the best girl basketball player Sikeston had ever seen if I would do everything he taught me that summer. Poor guy. I would not play basketball. I was not up for the line drills! He should have had a boy rather than three girls!

My dad is a hard worker and has always been very honest. I wanted to be like him in that. He likes to sweat and be outside. I do the same. Brent doesn’t mind one bit that I love push mowing the yard. I don’t know how many hours he and I spent laying out in our lawn chairs getting a tan listening to country music! And, I would follow along as he would head to the nearest brick wall or basketball court. He would shoot baskets for hours or hit a tennis ball against the wall over and over. He says that tennis in the only class he passed in college.

I wonder how many hours he and I have spent together just the two of us. I’m sure I’ve not spent more time with anyone else up to this point in my life. We both love the early morning hours. I remember seeing him on the front porch watching the sun rise. I remember seeing him reading his Bible in the dark winter morning hours in his recliner. I remember watching the KFVS12 Breakfast Show before school together. Sometimes we would listen to K103 and try to win the morning contests.

My dad gave advice very direct. He has never been one to beat around the bush or hide his opinion. We had our best talks before school. I remember the morning before my first Homecoming Dance. He came in and sat down beside my bed. He told me that he still remembers the names of the girls in high school who were “good girls.” The one’s who didn’t sleep around and didn’t stay out late doing dumb stuff. He said that he would take the “good girl” to the dance. Then, he would take her home and go pick up other girls. And, that now, he doesn’t even remember the other girls’ names. I got the point. Did I want to be a girl whose name my date remembered or not? Some may criticize his ways. But I loved his honesty. I knew he wasn’t perfect. And, I knew he loved me and that he would do anything for me. I could trust him. I’m thankful for his honesty.

Off subject… Sometimes, as Christians we aren’t honest with each other. And then, we feel like there are standards we all expect each other to meet and we put up fronts. We can learn one from my dad. People love it when we’re real with our issues and they can learn from our mess ups.

My dad always lightens the mood with me. I have always been an impatient little thing. I would be so annoyed when he told me, “Patience in a virtue.” Once he did a very practical test with me about the speed limit. We were driving to St. Louis. He drove 85 mph for 30 miles and timed how long it took. Then, we drove 70 mph for 30 miles and timed how long it took. He convinced that the few minutes difference weren’t worth the speeding.

Another time, I was getting some honor my freshmen year of college. It was a really formal ceremony. Very quiet, very somber. When they called my name and I went to the stage, what did I see in the back of the room? My dad waving liking a crazy man giving me thumbs up. Don’t get the wrong picture. He wasn’t that proud of me. He was trying to get me to laugh. Point is, let’s not take ourselves too seriously!

I really could go on for hours. I have so many wonderful memories and lessons from him. He is the dad God planned for me! I am so very thankful for that man.

As I write this, I am in prayer for him. His life has gone a different direction. It resembles nothing of the days of my youth. I know our God is all over this. I am praying God touches him in a very special way tonight. I am praying he has a face to face encounter with God that changes him. And, that my dad, will live the rest of his life in peace and with purpose resting in the arms of the God who loves him and made him… beautiful blue eyes and tender hearted.

The Dollar General Sack

This morning a good friend and I were running our usual route with a little distance added. It was no more difficult than other days that we have done intervals or increased distance before. Actually, last week we rocked it out. We amazed ourselves when we did some really tough intervals and went further than we thought we could. Of course, I was feeling a little puffed up about that. I felt like I could do anything.

Back to this morning. We set out for a normal cold morning jog with no added challenges. To be honest, I started feeling a sick feeling pretty early into the run. By the end, we circled back past the elementary school and I knew I had pushed it too far. I was feeling pretty yucky when we passed the principal greeting the students and the line of cars dropping off kids. I barely made it to our stopping point. Then, I began what my friend called a “drunk walk.” My eyes were closed and I was swerving. She held my arm trying to make it look like everything was okay. Then, I felt the sick feeling take over. Before I knew it, I was lying on the sidewalk with my feet in the air. I heard the cars passing and in that moment, I did not care one bit. When I started coming back to reality, the embarrassment hit. Ahhhhh, did people really see me lying on the concrete with my feet in the air and my friend holding them? Yes, they did. You tell me that’s not humbling. I told Ragen as I was lying there, “What ever humbles me makes me better. Right?” We laughed. (Some of you know that this is not the first time this has happened. I figured I better get this story out so it won’t have to happen again).

Don’t you just love a blow to your pride? I’m thinking one of the themes of my life the past year or so has been all about humility. God has lovingly taken me on a journey to open eyes that life is not about me. I have more stories on this than I will ever be able to tell! I must have really needed this lesson.

I’m learning that things that humble us really do make us stronger. It is an odd concept. But, many times God’s ways of doing things are opposite to our self-centered nature. And only He knows what is best for us. So, what does humble mean to me? It’s when I’m not focused on myself in either a prideful or self-pity way. It’s when I trust that God is in control and get excited about the next step He’s leading me to. Then, I get to experience His power and presence rather than my analyzation, control, and many times regret. This humble thing is all about surrendering. But it doesn’t end with the surrender. The results are incredible. God always comes through and makes it more worth it than we could have imagined.

I got to go out to sit and reflect at one my favorite spots today. I climbed to the top of some rocks at Elephant Rocks that looked over a pond. The air was cool and crisp. You know the temperature that almost feels like you're drinking a cold glass of water when you take a breath. Everything was crystal clear and bright with the sun’s reflection beaming. I absolutely love those moments in nature all alone with God. I feel like He is right there showing off His beautiful creation to me.

After some time, it was time to head down. I began the journey down, when I got a whim to pray and ask God to show me something cool. I figure, He’s a lot like us. As parents, don’t we want to show our kids special things and teach them new things about life? I'll admit, I like to show off a little for them too. So, I asked Him to lead me down the path He wanted me to take back to the trail. I ended up going a way I don’t think I have ever been. Honestly, I was anticipating seeing a pretty little flower growing out of a crevice or something budding beautifully. But, there was nothing. I kept going. I prayed again, “God, open my eyes to see what You want to show me.” A couple steps further, there it was. A bright yellow plastic Dollar General bag was hanging at eye level from a branch. I laughed out loud. I thought to myself, “Sure, I’ll pick up that bag.” Then, I saw a couple wet cans and some random trash lying near by. I prayed, “Oh, I get it. You wanted me to pick this stuff up. Well, sure I’ll do that.” I kept walking. Then, I saw more little pieces of trash here and there. It was like it was magnified. Finally, it clicked. He had me cross that bag so I could pick up trash. Keep it mind everything is wet and muddy right now. Do you know how many straws, bottle tops, gum wrappers, and cans I picked up? I can tell you… a Dollar General sack full. As I got closer to the car I laughed inside. I realized this was yet another exercise in humbling me. I didn’t need to see a pretty little flower; I needed to have a heart that cared about something other than myself. I got in the car feeling full of life.

“He leads the humble in the way that is right, He teaches them His way.” Psalm 25:9

More to Discover

Could it be true that the most beautiful things we see will never be with our eyes? Could it be that they will come in our minds when our eyes are closed? Could it be that through knowledge and depth of insight we will find that which makes our heart come alive with true love? Just some thoughts I’m having after rolling a verse around in my head. Check it out:

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,” Philippians 1:9.

Let’s take a minute to close our eyes and see things with knowledge and insight. In our culture, love is often associated with visible beauty and outward appearances. Many times, it seems that what is visible is valued at the cost of the “soul.” I guess I’m trying to say that we can focus so much on appearances that we miss really matters.

My G.G. (great-grandma) is a woman who will forever be priceless to me. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have been driving a car all around Southeast Missouri when I was 14! I also owe my college education (and many other expenses) to her. Some of the most special times I had with her I spent sitting in her living room floor, at the foot of her recliner, eating Nilla wafers, and listening to her stories. I know about her trip across the border to Mexico. I know about the Hotel Elton she owned in San Bernadino, California. And what is was like being the only woman farmer in Southeast Missouri. Her life was an example to me. She worked hard. She laughed and smiled. She loved life, loved her family, and had a good time at it. She wasn’t perfect, but she made a difference in my life. I’ll tell ya something, not once did she ever tell me that she wished she had spent a little more time on her appearance.

Now, my husband is one good lookin’ guy. Growing up, I remember all the girls having a crush on him and talking about how cute he was. He wore that dirty ol’ brown San Diego Padres baseball hat and was mean to all the girls. Even in high school he was always chosen as the “Best Looking.” Truth is, his looks have not gotten him too far in marriage! Ya know, I don’t just drop an argument because he’s too darn cute. But, I have dropped an argument because I know his heart and I understand where he’s coming from. Every day, I get the opportunity to know him more and more. I understand his habits, his expressions, and his responses. It leads me to understanding his heart. In turn, my love abounds more and more.

I have a close friend who I’ve gotten to know deeper and deeper. Our lives ebb and flow with how much time we get to see each other. In times apart, it's easy to think something is wrong. But, I now know her heart. We’ve walked through tough times together. And, we’ve had lots of fun together. We understand each other because we know each other. We are free to love each other in all the seasons of our lives.

And I think this is true in many other areas of life. Don’t you “love” the sports or hobbies you know the most about? I’m not really into basketball. But, all the people over here in Ironton know basketball and love it. I’m not really into golf, but those guys who understand and practice it do. And, don’t you feel a special bond to people, bands, and books you know really well? Knowledge and understanding really do lead us to love.

Of course this applies to our relationship with God. I remember praying a prayer upstairs at my Grandma Hattie’s house ten years ago. I told God that I just wanted to know Him more and more. He’ll answer a prayer like that! “If you seek me, you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.” What a journey. He continues to reveal Himself to me… through hard times, good times, people, music, Scripture, nature, and thoughts. The more of life I go through with Him leading me, the more I love Him. The more I love Him, the more I understand how much He loves the people He created. The more I understand how much He loves people, the more I love the people He created.

I get that overwhelmed feeling when I can’t imagine how much more I will love Him when I am old like my G.G. was. I love that I can count on His consistency and His mystery. There will always be more to discover, thus more to love.

Lies

The truth is, I have sat here scouring my brain for a little lie to tell from when I was a child. I can’t think of one! All I can think of are sneaky things I did and big lies that take too long to tell. So, I’ll tell one on Heidi. A while ago, she was having an issue with playing with her gum. She had been threatened that the next time, she would have gum taken away for a while. One sunny day, we were on a road trip. I noticed Heidi had a blanket over her head in the back seat. A few minutes later she emerged saying, “Look at the ball I made with my gum.” I turned to look. The dark pink gum was in a perfectly smooth ball. It was shiny and couldn’t be more ball-like. I asked her how she made it. She said wimpishly, “With my tongue.” Either she has a very impressive hidden talent or she was lying.

We’ve all told one of those lies. Don’t you remember that sick feeling when you know you’re about to get caught? And, the false “relief” you feel when you didn’t get caught. You just get a little more time to rehearse your story and dread that moment of confrontation. Then, it happens. Someone calls you on the lie. And, even though the consequences may not be pretty, you’re free from the mental trap you put yourself in.

I think there is another type of lie that is not near as obvious but is much more binding than a blatant falsehood. It is a slow and subtle deception – leaving out the truth a little at a time. When I was in college, I began my freshman year sitting in the back of my Adolescent Psychology class. As the year went on, I noticed I couldn’t read the words on the whiteboard very well. So, I moved up a little. It kept getting worse. I didn’t understand why the teacher was using smaller font. I moved up a few more times. I ended the semester on the second row. At Christmas break, I noticed that I couldn’t read the road signs very well. Obviously, the problem was not everything else. It was my eyes. So, for the first time I went to the eye doctor. By golly, I had to get glasses.

I still remember walking out of that Jackson, MO Wal-Mart. It was like the sun was blinding me and those trees to the left were vivid green. Later that day, I realized that I could see the individual leaves on trees and the facial details of people in other cars. I had no idea when my eyes began getting worse and I wondered how long I had been missing so much. It had been such a slow fade.

A little blur can cause us to miss seeing things as they truly are. Just because we look at something a certain way or through a certain perspective for a long time, doesn’t mean it’s true.

In my life, I know when I have found the truth. It brings a true sense of freedom and security. I have believed so many lies about myself, other people, and God. Every single time one of those lies is shattered, the freedom found on the other side is exhilarating. And, the security feels like a warm blanket.


I can honestly say, I am growing to love it when I meet new people and they are nothing like my first impression. It’s beautiful! I am finding it very enlightening when I have preconceived ideas or lies I’ve made up in my head about people I’ve known for years and something happens that I see them in a different light. I get to understand where they come from and what things they’ve gone through that make them who they are. The truth changes that relationship.

Poor Brent is married to someone who is very difficult to be loved. We joke sometimes and call me a wild horse. I have believed that I am difficult to be loved and that no one would want to take the time it takes to experience the tamer side of me. Boy, has Brent proved me wrong. He never stops breaking through. I am experiencing what God intended marriage to be… freeing and securing.

I’m sure God gets a kick out of the lies I have believed about Him. And, I’m so thankful for the way He is shattering them one at a time. His grace is all about His incomprehensible love for us and our hearts finding their true home.

What things have you believed for so long that just aren’t quite right? “Don’t let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from evil powers of this world and not from Christ.” Colossians 2: 6-8. Don’t let that subtle blur steal the Truth from you.

A Special Birthday

Sitting in a dark living room, our baby boy had fallen asleep across Brent’s lap. I looked at him and wondered what he will grow up to be like. We began talking about how today would have been Heath’s 28th birthday. We rarely go a day without talking about him. This time we spent a while talking about him.

Brent recalled how carefree Heath was as boy. And, how he was the most likeable kid around. I remembered what it was like for him when he had to face the cares of the world… school, money, and time. We decided that if he were alive, he would have a job that dealt totally with loving on people. Heath's life means so much to us in different ways. We have such a deep love for him. Both of us are forever changed by his life and death.

Some things we can learn from Heath:

Care about people. Take time to have fun. Play so hard you wear out your shoes. Smile a lot. Laugh loud. Just talk to people, even if you don’t know em’. Your relationship with God is not defined by how much you read the Bible. Your relationship with God is about the attitude of your heart toward God and loving what He loves. Hug a child. Heck, hug every single child you see! Sing to God with everything in you. A good work ethic will give you true satisfaction. Scary movies are scary. Go for your dreams. Learn something new. Music is good for the soul. Respect people. Love people. Never give up on people. And, you really can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.

It is such a wonderful thing when we see people who remind us of him… his laugh, his smile, his stature, his personality. What a wonderful thing to be in a moment of such intense worship of God, that you wonder if Heath is doing the same thing in heaven at that moment. What a wonderful thing to embrace beautiful memories and let go of painful ones.

God is with us in tragedy. If we are still on this earth, then there is more life for us to live. There is a purpose, a plan for us. When we die, let’s leave something worth remembering.

Below is an old video of Shane Bernard and Shane Everett performing Breath of God. This is one of the first songs Heath and a buddy learned to play together. It was one of those songs he loved. Check it out.

The Crop Duster

“Mom! Look! That airplane is 3 inches from my window!” Hmmm, I think 5 year old Heidi may already have inherited the “exaggeration gene.” But, to give her credit, the bright yellow crop duster did look pretty darn close to us. At one point he flew parallel with us, right outside of Heidi’s window. And, I must admit that he looked like he was going to use the road we were on as a landing strip and I did hold my breath for a few seconds.

Tuesday morning I woke up with the itch to go. I get that way every now and then. Instead of running off to far away places and spending too much money, I have learned to make those itches productive. I was needing a visit with my sweet sweet grandma, the church needed cases of water from Sam’s and Heidi was up for a piano lesson from her MiMi. So, I was up for an adventure… me taking the kids to Cape and Sikeston for a day visit.

Sometimes that sudden desire to go is totally healthy. Sometimes it’s more like running away. I’m wondering if Tuesday was one of those run away days. At church we’re doing a series based on a book by John Ortberg called The Me I Want to Be. Essentially, it is about becoming the person God truly designed each one of us to be. Unique. Creative. Beautiful. Passionate. Youier. If we ever get there, it will be on purpose!

This week we’ve focused on our thinking. Over and over the Bible talks about our thinking. Check out a few snipits:
“Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” Romans 12:2
“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thought.” Psalm 139:23
“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” Isaiah 26:3

So, Tuesday morning I woke up recalling a very vivid dream. It made me sad. It brought back issues I have already dealt with and stirred up old insecurities. It was one of those that gets ya no where when you try to think through it. You just end up right back where you started. Ya know one that can waste a whole day’s thoughts if you’re not careful.

As we drove, the kids kept me totally occupied. Heidi and I sang. Heath slept, ate snacks, and played. But, when we were almost there, everything was quiet for a while and my brain was free to reflect. I knew that I didn’t need to rehearse the thoughts of that dream. So, I decided to take God up on His Word. In my heart, I said, “Ok, God I want my thoughts fixed on You. You will be my Perfect Peace.” Then, I realized that meditating on that dream was so familiar and I wanted to keep thinking about it. But, I chose to tell God that and recalled that His Word says to think about the things that are true, right, and lovely. Before I finished the thought, the bright yellow plane swooped over us. In my opinion, he almost took out the power line.

Heidi livened up and we were captivated by that crazy little plane. Once we passed the rodeo grounds and he was a spec in the rearview mirror, I realized that that plane was totally a gift from God. He sent it at just the right moment to rescue me from my thoughts. I could do nothing else but thank Him deep in my soul. In my gut, I sensed God saying, “Baby, it’s all about your heart. You trust me and I will never fail.”

Ortberg explains, “The adult brain is amazingly changeable – it has neuroplasticity. Which synapsis remain and which ones whither away depend on your mental habits. Those that carry no traffic go out of business like bus routes with no customers. Those that are heavily trafficked get stronger and thicker. The mind shapes the brain.” I’m on my way to forming some new routes of thinking.

“Lead me in Your truth, teach me, for You are the God who saves. All day long, I put my hope in You.” Psalm 25:5. Did I hear a Woot Woot after that one!

Robin Hood

Aren't we people just fascinating? I love how we are all so different and unique. I know there is the ongoing debate of how and why we act the way we do... are we shaped most by our environment or our genetics? I don't really care to enter in to the debate. However, I do enjoy hearing people's stories and understanding how their pasts have lined up to make them into the person they are.

As a girl, I wasn't really into the whole princess thing, or the wedding thing, or even the mommy thing. I wasn't really into much "girl" stuff. I have always wondered why. Of course, it is probably part of my disposition. But, I think there were other things that influenced me.

Recently, Brent and I stayed up way too late watching the newest Robin Hood. It was one of those that is totally worth a worn out day the next day. As a child, I was brainwashed by the Disney version of Robin Hood. Don’t you remember the ten minute introduction with Friar Tuck whistling and the characters marching across the screen? I guess I didn’t have any other VHS tapes or something, because that is the only movie I remember watching.

Well, after watching the newest one, I dreamed about it all night. I was a character in the movie and I was fighting for the freedom of the people who couldn’t. I woke up that morning with that movie whirling through my mind. Later I realized that I always love the epic good vs. evil stories. And, I think, it just might be from my love for the cartoon Robin Hood that was in me from such a young age. There’s just something about that brave central character who risks everything to save people. And, how they triumph through all the trials and persevere. Is it a surprise that the first Bible verse I ever remember memorizing is James 1:2 “Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds for the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” Now, what 8^th grade girl loves a verse like that? One, who grew up on Robin Hood!

In writing this post, I wanted to be sure I was authentic. I really scoured my brain to decide which movies are my true favorites. Here are some: I Am Legend, Seven Pounds, One Night with the King, Amazing Grace, Braveheart, and Lord of the Rings. In each one, that brave character perseveres for the better of those around him/her.

It’s clear that deep inside, I do have a dream to be that person. I want to be that for my husband and my children. I’m learning that the only way to be the brave character is the let the words of this verse transform me; “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourself, not looking to your own interests but to the interests of others. In your relationships, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:3-5) I also want to be that hero to my friends and the people God’s puts in my path everyday. I’m finding that the joy and peace that are found in putting them first, is truly incomparable to any selfish ambition I have ever sought.

I have one last thought to share with you about that brave central character. The One who is the creator of story is that character. He put it in our hearts to be drawn to good vs. evil. From the beginning, He knew that Good would live a life of sacrifice for His people and pay the ultimate cost for our freedom. Now, all we have to do is trust Him and let Him do the work in us, freeing us from the bondage. As William Wallace said, “FREEDOM!”

"My chains are gone; I've been set free, My God my Savior has ransomed me."