The Dollar General Sack

This morning a good friend and I were running our usual route with a little distance added. It was no more difficult than other days that we have done intervals or increased distance before. Actually, last week we rocked it out. We amazed ourselves when we did some really tough intervals and went further than we thought we could. Of course, I was feeling a little puffed up about that. I felt like I could do anything.

Back to this morning. We set out for a normal cold morning jog with no added challenges. To be honest, I started feeling a sick feeling pretty early into the run. By the end, we circled back past the elementary school and I knew I had pushed it too far. I was feeling pretty yucky when we passed the principal greeting the students and the line of cars dropping off kids. I barely made it to our stopping point. Then, I began what my friend called a “drunk walk.” My eyes were closed and I was swerving. She held my arm trying to make it look like everything was okay. Then, I felt the sick feeling take over. Before I knew it, I was lying on the sidewalk with my feet in the air. I heard the cars passing and in that moment, I did not care one bit. When I started coming back to reality, the embarrassment hit. Ahhhhh, did people really see me lying on the concrete with my feet in the air and my friend holding them? Yes, they did. You tell me that’s not humbling. I told Ragen as I was lying there, “What ever humbles me makes me better. Right?” We laughed. (Some of you know that this is not the first time this has happened. I figured I better get this story out so it won’t have to happen again).

Don’t you just love a blow to your pride? I’m thinking one of the themes of my life the past year or so has been all about humility. God has lovingly taken me on a journey to open eyes that life is not about me. I have more stories on this than I will ever be able to tell! I must have really needed this lesson.

I’m learning that things that humble us really do make us stronger. It is an odd concept. But, many times God’s ways of doing things are opposite to our self-centered nature. And only He knows what is best for us. So, what does humble mean to me? It’s when I’m not focused on myself in either a prideful or self-pity way. It’s when I trust that God is in control and get excited about the next step He’s leading me to. Then, I get to experience His power and presence rather than my analyzation, control, and many times regret. This humble thing is all about surrendering. But it doesn’t end with the surrender. The results are incredible. God always comes through and makes it more worth it than we could have imagined.

I got to go out to sit and reflect at one my favorite spots today. I climbed to the top of some rocks at Elephant Rocks that looked over a pond. The air was cool and crisp. You know the temperature that almost feels like you're drinking a cold glass of water when you take a breath. Everything was crystal clear and bright with the sun’s reflection beaming. I absolutely love those moments in nature all alone with God. I feel like He is right there showing off His beautiful creation to me.

After some time, it was time to head down. I began the journey down, when I got a whim to pray and ask God to show me something cool. I figure, He’s a lot like us. As parents, don’t we want to show our kids special things and teach them new things about life? I'll admit, I like to show off a little for them too. So, I asked Him to lead me down the path He wanted me to take back to the trail. I ended up going a way I don’t think I have ever been. Honestly, I was anticipating seeing a pretty little flower growing out of a crevice or something budding beautifully. But, there was nothing. I kept going. I prayed again, “God, open my eyes to see what You want to show me.” A couple steps further, there it was. A bright yellow plastic Dollar General bag was hanging at eye level from a branch. I laughed out loud. I thought to myself, “Sure, I’ll pick up that bag.” Then, I saw a couple wet cans and some random trash lying near by. I prayed, “Oh, I get it. You wanted me to pick this stuff up. Well, sure I’ll do that.” I kept walking. Then, I saw more little pieces of trash here and there. It was like it was magnified. Finally, it clicked. He had me cross that bag so I could pick up trash. Keep it mind everything is wet and muddy right now. Do you know how many straws, bottle tops, gum wrappers, and cans I picked up? I can tell you… a Dollar General sack full. As I got closer to the car I laughed inside. I realized this was yet another exercise in humbling me. I didn’t need to see a pretty little flower; I needed to have a heart that cared about something other than myself. I got in the car feeling full of life.

“He leads the humble in the way that is right, He teaches them His way.” Psalm 25:9

More to Discover

Could it be true that the most beautiful things we see will never be with our eyes? Could it be that they will come in our minds when our eyes are closed? Could it be that through knowledge and depth of insight we will find that which makes our heart come alive with true love? Just some thoughts I’m having after rolling a verse around in my head. Check it out:

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,” Philippians 1:9.

Let’s take a minute to close our eyes and see things with knowledge and insight. In our culture, love is often associated with visible beauty and outward appearances. Many times, it seems that what is visible is valued at the cost of the “soul.” I guess I’m trying to say that we can focus so much on appearances that we miss really matters.

My G.G. (great-grandma) is a woman who will forever be priceless to me. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have been driving a car all around Southeast Missouri when I was 14! I also owe my college education (and many other expenses) to her. Some of the most special times I had with her I spent sitting in her living room floor, at the foot of her recliner, eating Nilla wafers, and listening to her stories. I know about her trip across the border to Mexico. I know about the Hotel Elton she owned in San Bernadino, California. And what is was like being the only woman farmer in Southeast Missouri. Her life was an example to me. She worked hard. She laughed and smiled. She loved life, loved her family, and had a good time at it. She wasn’t perfect, but she made a difference in my life. I’ll tell ya something, not once did she ever tell me that she wished she had spent a little more time on her appearance.

Now, my husband is one good lookin’ guy. Growing up, I remember all the girls having a crush on him and talking about how cute he was. He wore that dirty ol’ brown San Diego Padres baseball hat and was mean to all the girls. Even in high school he was always chosen as the “Best Looking.” Truth is, his looks have not gotten him too far in marriage! Ya know, I don’t just drop an argument because he’s too darn cute. But, I have dropped an argument because I know his heart and I understand where he’s coming from. Every day, I get the opportunity to know him more and more. I understand his habits, his expressions, and his responses. It leads me to understanding his heart. In turn, my love abounds more and more.

I have a close friend who I’ve gotten to know deeper and deeper. Our lives ebb and flow with how much time we get to see each other. In times apart, it's easy to think something is wrong. But, I now know her heart. We’ve walked through tough times together. And, we’ve had lots of fun together. We understand each other because we know each other. We are free to love each other in all the seasons of our lives.

And I think this is true in many other areas of life. Don’t you “love” the sports or hobbies you know the most about? I’m not really into basketball. But, all the people over here in Ironton know basketball and love it. I’m not really into golf, but those guys who understand and practice it do. And, don’t you feel a special bond to people, bands, and books you know really well? Knowledge and understanding really do lead us to love.

Of course this applies to our relationship with God. I remember praying a prayer upstairs at my Grandma Hattie’s house ten years ago. I told God that I just wanted to know Him more and more. He’ll answer a prayer like that! “If you seek me, you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.” What a journey. He continues to reveal Himself to me… through hard times, good times, people, music, Scripture, nature, and thoughts. The more of life I go through with Him leading me, the more I love Him. The more I love Him, the more I understand how much He loves the people He created. The more I understand how much He loves people, the more I love the people He created.

I get that overwhelmed feeling when I can’t imagine how much more I will love Him when I am old like my G.G. was. I love that I can count on His consistency and His mystery. There will always be more to discover, thus more to love.

Lies

The truth is, I have sat here scouring my brain for a little lie to tell from when I was a child. I can’t think of one! All I can think of are sneaky things I did and big lies that take too long to tell. So, I’ll tell one on Heidi. A while ago, she was having an issue with playing with her gum. She had been threatened that the next time, she would have gum taken away for a while. One sunny day, we were on a road trip. I noticed Heidi had a blanket over her head in the back seat. A few minutes later she emerged saying, “Look at the ball I made with my gum.” I turned to look. The dark pink gum was in a perfectly smooth ball. It was shiny and couldn’t be more ball-like. I asked her how she made it. She said wimpishly, “With my tongue.” Either she has a very impressive hidden talent or she was lying.

We’ve all told one of those lies. Don’t you remember that sick feeling when you know you’re about to get caught? And, the false “relief” you feel when you didn’t get caught. You just get a little more time to rehearse your story and dread that moment of confrontation. Then, it happens. Someone calls you on the lie. And, even though the consequences may not be pretty, you’re free from the mental trap you put yourself in.

I think there is another type of lie that is not near as obvious but is much more binding than a blatant falsehood. It is a slow and subtle deception – leaving out the truth a little at a time. When I was in college, I began my freshman year sitting in the back of my Adolescent Psychology class. As the year went on, I noticed I couldn’t read the words on the whiteboard very well. So, I moved up a little. It kept getting worse. I didn’t understand why the teacher was using smaller font. I moved up a few more times. I ended the semester on the second row. At Christmas break, I noticed that I couldn’t read the road signs very well. Obviously, the problem was not everything else. It was my eyes. So, for the first time I went to the eye doctor. By golly, I had to get glasses.

I still remember walking out of that Jackson, MO Wal-Mart. It was like the sun was blinding me and those trees to the left were vivid green. Later that day, I realized that I could see the individual leaves on trees and the facial details of people in other cars. I had no idea when my eyes began getting worse and I wondered how long I had been missing so much. It had been such a slow fade.

A little blur can cause us to miss seeing things as they truly are. Just because we look at something a certain way or through a certain perspective for a long time, doesn’t mean it’s true.

In my life, I know when I have found the truth. It brings a true sense of freedom and security. I have believed so many lies about myself, other people, and God. Every single time one of those lies is shattered, the freedom found on the other side is exhilarating. And, the security feels like a warm blanket.


I can honestly say, I am growing to love it when I meet new people and they are nothing like my first impression. It’s beautiful! I am finding it very enlightening when I have preconceived ideas or lies I’ve made up in my head about people I’ve known for years and something happens that I see them in a different light. I get to understand where they come from and what things they’ve gone through that make them who they are. The truth changes that relationship.

Poor Brent is married to someone who is very difficult to be loved. We joke sometimes and call me a wild horse. I have believed that I am difficult to be loved and that no one would want to take the time it takes to experience the tamer side of me. Boy, has Brent proved me wrong. He never stops breaking through. I am experiencing what God intended marriage to be… freeing and securing.

I’m sure God gets a kick out of the lies I have believed about Him. And, I’m so thankful for the way He is shattering them one at a time. His grace is all about His incomprehensible love for us and our hearts finding their true home.

What things have you believed for so long that just aren’t quite right? “Don’t let anyone lead you astray with empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from evil powers of this world and not from Christ.” Colossians 2: 6-8. Don’t let that subtle blur steal the Truth from you.

A Special Birthday

Sitting in a dark living room, our baby boy had fallen asleep across Brent’s lap. I looked at him and wondered what he will grow up to be like. We began talking about how today would have been Heath’s 28th birthday. We rarely go a day without talking about him. This time we spent a while talking about him.

Brent recalled how carefree Heath was as boy. And, how he was the most likeable kid around. I remembered what it was like for him when he had to face the cares of the world… school, money, and time. We decided that if he were alive, he would have a job that dealt totally with loving on people. Heath's life means so much to us in different ways. We have such a deep love for him. Both of us are forever changed by his life and death.

Some things we can learn from Heath:

Care about people. Take time to have fun. Play so hard you wear out your shoes. Smile a lot. Laugh loud. Just talk to people, even if you don’t know em’. Your relationship with God is not defined by how much you read the Bible. Your relationship with God is about the attitude of your heart toward God and loving what He loves. Hug a child. Heck, hug every single child you see! Sing to God with everything in you. A good work ethic will give you true satisfaction. Scary movies are scary. Go for your dreams. Learn something new. Music is good for the soul. Respect people. Love people. Never give up on people. And, you really can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.

It is such a wonderful thing when we see people who remind us of him… his laugh, his smile, his stature, his personality. What a wonderful thing to be in a moment of such intense worship of God, that you wonder if Heath is doing the same thing in heaven at that moment. What a wonderful thing to embrace beautiful memories and let go of painful ones.

God is with us in tragedy. If we are still on this earth, then there is more life for us to live. There is a purpose, a plan for us. When we die, let’s leave something worth remembering.

Below is an old video of Shane Bernard and Shane Everett performing Breath of God. This is one of the first songs Heath and a buddy learned to play together. It was one of those songs he loved. Check it out.